Self Acceptance

It's ironic that our new memory that we have to write about is about a moment that has taught us a lot about ourselves.  Me previous post would have been efficient, but just yesterday I ran into another experience that I learned a lot about myself less than 24 hours ago. 

Yesterday was the wrestle offs for the starting spot of the wrestling team.  My starting spot.  I started the season with a 5-2 record with what my coach says should easily be 7-0.  I had to put my spot up against Jordan Douglas.  The other senior 138 pounder that wants the starting spot as well.  Needless to say, I lost.  The minute I lost I shook his hand and walked out of the room.  I went into the locker room and just sat there with my elbows on my knees thinking how this just happened.  I've worked harder, tried harder, and wanted it more than him.  I've done better in matches, in practice, but in the wrestleoff I lost.  I hated myself in the beginning.  I hated everything.  I wanted to quit and just leave.  I sat there and cried.  I couldn't believe I just lost my starting spot.  I've started  every year since sophomore year and just blew it.  I sat there for the whole entire practice.  I missed everything that day.  2 people came into the locker room while I was there. 

Coach Morosetti just told me it happened.  It sucked.  And that all I can do is improve to get better and want it more.  Coach Johnson told me the same pretty much.  I know they want the best from me.  I know that they want me in the line up.  Coach Johnson gave me the day off as he knew I couldn't go up in that room today.  I showered up and got ready to leave. 

At that time, Dan Bruni and Kenny Scott came into the locker room.  They gave me the best advice out of everyone.  They told me about their high school experiences and losing wrestleoffs as well.  It does suck but it helped me in the end.  It got me thinking again.  In the end it showed me that I wasn't mentally ready.  I have a ton going through my mind and wrestling wasn't number one.  College, and school are coming up in the top of my lists where wrestling needs to be number one for me to be my best.  I know next time I'm going to be learning from my experiences and get my spot back.

My 180

There is a moment in my life that will stick with me forever.  It is the peak of my stupidity and feeling of teenage invincibility and also the most life altering moment of my life.  I think about it every day although it has been months since the incident and I try to reflect and make myself a better person from this mistake.  I got lucky this one time, and I'm making sure that I never get in this situation again.

The picture in my head that I always see is my friend Mo and myself sitting in Mr. McKiernen's office with Mr. Shattuck, two police officers, and our mothers on a Monday night.  We were just about to get breathalyzed under suspiscion of us being under the influence of alcohol on school property.  They were correct.  I remember every minute of this day so vividly.  It actually scares me how well I know the events of this day.  I've never remembered something this well.

I came home from an easy Monday cross country practice, took a nap, and was just prepping for the game.  Mo, Kostial, and I were supposed to eat before the game as it was not wrestling season yet.  I recieved a call from Mo.  I answered expecting to hear Mo, but it was Jon screaming into the phone.  "Crazy Levi! Its Crazy K.  Me and Mo have got Four Loko's with your name on them!"  I chuckled and replied "ok haha I'll see you soon."  I sit in my living room for just a few more minutes.  I laced up my PF Fliers, hopped off the couch, and ran out the door to the car.  The backseat of the SUV I will never enter again. 

We say our "what's up's" and just start to drive down the road.  Immediately Kostial tossed me a large can and told me to drink up.  It was watermelon flavored.  For those who don't know me, I love watermelon.  I looked at Mo and just saw him with his receding hairline and smiling with his West Allegheny Soccer gear.  Kostial has his hair all spiked up with some hockey jacket on.  It was blue and waterproof.  They were laughing singing the Rhianna song we remixed for the occasion: "Cheers to the freakin Monday! I'll drink to that."  We slugged back our drinks and the taste of mine was tremendous.  My favorite flavor of anything.  It tasted like I just bit into a huge watermelon slice.  My mouth tingled from the carbonation and after time my head became light after time.  I was feeling young, wild and free. 

We pulled into the school.  The West Allegheny High School sign was displaying "WA Soccer Senior Night Tonight!"  Everyone was all pumped up.  Kostial drove into the student parking lot where the marching band was practicing for Friday's game against Montour.  We just sat their, continued to drink our colorful cans, and listened to hardcore rap.  We still had about 45 minutes until game time. 

Mo suggests a McDonalds run.  I was feeling good and careless and quickly agreed.  That was big mistake number 1.  We drove 3 minutes down the road and parked in the away from the building because there was more room.  I was starting to feel the alcohol's affect on me after I left the car.  Walking was slightly more difficult but everything else was controlled.  I ran into a big problem.  Tanner's mom was right there.  I try to have a short conversation to avoid a screw up.  (I later found out I seemed very odd and not as normal as I usually was. She was suspiscious of me.)  We go into McDonalds and all ordered the same thing.  Two McDoubles (ketchup only), a hot fudge sundae, and 2 apple pies.  We sat down and finished our meals inside before hanging out.  Back to that damn vehicle I should have never entered. 

We parked in the upper parking lot (mistake number 2) and just sat there until the game was closer to starting finishing our very large cans of alcohol.  We calm down for a little until Mo says: "I'm going to throw up."  This was just the worst possible thing that could have happened.  Mo opens the door and throws up, comes back in, and says "let's go."  We got out of the car and started to walk.  At the exact time,  Mr. Shattuck got out of his truck and shouted to us "How's it going guys?"  I replied "Pretty good.  How about you?" The others kept walking to the game.  He started to walk to the car as we were gaining distance from it.  My heart raced as it was only a matter of time before we were going down hard.  Finally I hear a shout "Levi, could you please come over here?  My heart dropped.

I walked over and was immediately bombarded with questions.  "What's going on?  Who are you with?  Were they drinking?  Were you drinking?  Where did they go?"  I replied quickly "Just going to the soccer game, Mo and his friend Jon, no and no, and They probably went into the game."  I tried to seems sober as possible and kept my mouth low so he couldn't smell my watermelon breath.  He walks me to the car and shows me all the cans in the parking lot the Kostial threw out without us knowing and made me walk to his truck.  I then lied and told him Mo and Jon drank and they picked me up without me knowing what was going on.  He made me walk to his truck and while we walked, Kostial ran to his car, jumped in and turned it on.  Mr. Shattuck immediately ran to the car with me behind him pounding on the windows.  Kostial did not stop, hit Mr. Shattuck with his mirror and drove away.  He faced no punishment in the end, but I knew that Mo and I were screwed.

I was forced to call Mo and get him to meet me with Mr. Shattuck.  When Mo was questioned, he answered truthfully but never said I did anything wrong.  We then had to walk into Mr. McKiernen's office as we waited for the police officer.  While waiting we called our parents to come get us for after the matter as we were not allowed to go back to the game.  When the officer appeared, I knew that I had to stop lying.  I admitted to everything and accepted my fate.  Mo and I were both breathalyzed and blew identical BAC's.  .094.  I couldnt believe I allowed myself to get this bad.  I was not just embarrassed.  I was disappointed in myself beyond all belief.  They explained to us the consequences of our action and that we will be recieving letters in the mail soon.  I saw Mo crying.  This was his second underage.  I stayed strong as reality has yet to hit me.  Everything was good until the ride home. 

I got home and sat in my room and thought.  I did not cry, but I sat there and thought about every possible situation.  I was scared of every consequence.  Detention, fines, community service, just everything was scary.  I then started to think about myself.  I realized there is no one to blame but me.  I needed to change my ways.  I've been easily influenced and I need to make sure I don't make the same mistake again.  This was my 180 in life.  Since then, I've been clean, denied every opportunity I have had to drink, and have been doing all of my court ordered work.  My life is changed completely.  I feel like a better person in life now.  People look at me differently in 2 ways.  Some people won't forget about the underage, other people have decided to accept the new me and treat me just the same.  I feel like my life is for the better.

Days on Repeat

Life is becomming more and more boring.  It seems like I'm living the same day over and over again.  Wake up, school, wrestling practice, home, sleep.  Every day for 5 days a week.  Its beyond tiring.  There seems to be no excitement anymore.  Christmas is soon and the only thing I can think of is going to a wrestling tournament two days later.   My mind is locked on making weight.  I've started to give less regards to school like every year, ignore what my family needs, and generally forget about the others around me.  I need things to change before I practically become a zombie on a timer.  This weekend would be a big help.  Just hanging with a few friends I haven't seen in a while would be enough.  I just can't sit at home and sleep and recover like every weekend.  I'll take the soreness for an elongated time in order just to get out of this rut. 

Hopefully this break will help me out.  I'll try to catch up with a few friends coming home from college before I'm off to Brockway to wrestle for another 2 days.  That is something I'm worrying about.  I really don't want to go to Brockway on a losing streak.  I just wrestled like shit this Wednesday and have to wrestle Canon MacMillan soon.  That match is going to be hard.  A win is definitely against the odds but I have to keep my head up and do my best I guess.  I'm hoping for a win or at least a well wrestled match.  I need something to pick up my motivation for the rest of the season. 

That is one thing I worry about.  Losing my interest in wreslting prematurely.  If I do well, I'll stay interested and always be motivated to go to practice and work harder.  If I do poorly though, I don't want to show my face.  I feel embarrassed and want to hide, but I have to show up to school the next day with a loss still on my shoulders.  I'm 5-2 right now and I don't want my record to drop below .500 at all this year.  The schedule we have will make it kinda tough though.  My goal is 20 wins by the end of the year.  I'd prefer to have even more, but 20 is the goal.  That would make my senior year I think.  At least for sports.  I screwed up during cross country getting an underage and not having the opportunity to run at tri states and prove myself, so this is my second chance.  This is why I take losses so hard.  They are just a step back in my development as one of the best wrestlers in the section and hopefully WPIAL.  I have until February to hit my goal, but if I don't... It'll just be more disappointment on myself.

The Best Days One Could Ask For

It is tough to choose just a memory in your life to write about.  Especially when there are two weeks in your life that will live in your heart and mind forever.  The first was my trip to Germany.  I went ot a foreign country with a large group of my friends and a few others.  The significance of this trip was the friendships I have developed.  Both Frau Zanella and Laura Victorelli have become two very important people in my life since this trip.  They hold a very special place.  The other week was my most recent vacatoin to the beach.  I feel like I'm going to write about this one. This week was the greatest week of my life.  This summer, Bret Grady, Tanner Cogar, and I got to go to the Outer Banks for a whole week.  Families were there but, we had a house all to ourselves.  It was cool as hell.  We were free from life for a week.  There were no rules, no worries, and no drama.  Just three boys hanging out on the beach taking a break from life.  We arrived and just pretty much our lives instantly got better.  The house was perfect.  Right on the beach, a perfect view, and close to the other family’s house in case we wanted food.  We arrived in the morning so we already had a day to ourselves.  We ate, drank, swam, walked, drove, ate, shopped, and plenty more in the hours we were given.  We weren’t able to meet anyone on the first night, but it was quite the memorable one.  The next morning I was able to get up at like 8 AM.  My usual wake up time no matter what.  Bret and Tanner were still out cold so I figured I’d just hang out on the porch.  I sat there with my donut and saw two girls about my age walking across the beach and thought to myself: “wow, Bret and Tanner would absolutely love me if I pulled this off.”  I ran downstairs, filled my red cup with my orange-pineapple juice mix and rushed to the beach.  My natural confidence gave me the talent to be able to draw attention by generally just running and screaming at them.  I got their names, locations, and numbers and asked them what they were doing.  They said they were going tanning.  I picked up that was a lie.  It was a cloudy day for the most part.  At that point they admitted they saw Tanner, Bret, and myself swimming in the ocean the day before and were trying to find us again.  They then asked if I knew who both of them were.  I said we were living together in our own house and I showed them the way.  Bret and Tanner woke up to two girls in our living room waiting to meet them.  They are so lucky I wake up early.  The week went on and just more and more happened.  Nothing huge but everything was fun and memorable.  We continued our routine, met more people, and made friends throughout the trip.  Tanner was our biggest attraction because he was missing a huge bit of his skin from football the week before.  That was a big conversation starter (I kept saying he survived a house fire).  We also met the next teen pop star and Dairy Queen when we went for our daily chili dog and ice cream.  The kid was nuts and so good.  There are so many memories on this trip that I would live again in a heartbeat.  All of us hanging out with my parents at like 9pm singing Elton John   and Tom Petty or just driving around finding something to do.  Eating chili dogs, shopping for orange juice every day, and making friends.  It was the perfect week to experience with my boys.  A week I would live again any day.

Back to the Dungeon

Well, I recieved another inschool  suspension.  Pissed.  I can't say I do not agree why I recieved it, but I dont believe my peers or I should have been prosecuted for the reasoning given.  Mrs Hartman does not have the ability to control her own class.  That being said, she tries to point the finger at other students being a burden.  I personally was sitting at an empty unused computer editing and revising my script for this class.  I'm not sure what Dylan was doing, but he did not to be a burden.  Some people I understand though, and this is why I am in trouble.  Travis, Bobby, and Tommy were the ones to be causing a lot of the problems.  Throwing crayons, talking to other students in Mrs Hartman's class, and causing disruption throughout the class period.  Tommy was initially on the pass and wrote my name and Travis' to the pass.  Therefore he was actually the one to forge the passes giving me and Travis an in school suspension.  I'm not going to complain though.  It could be a lot worse.  On a brighter note, I'm not going to be tempted by food throughout the day as I will be sitting in a nice little room with all my falsely accused buds.  It'll be a decent day I hope. I'll just sit back and chilll for like 8 hours, and go get my wrestling swag on later that night.  A good day I believe a good day.  Like I said.  No hate for the Denk Tank.  He was merely doing his job.  There is a lot of frustration for Mrs Hartman, Trav, Bob, and Tom though.  If she could control her class she would not have had to blame us, and if those three could have behaved like seniors, none of us would be in this mess.  All good in the hood.

Feelin Like A Champ

Damn these past 2 days have been awesome.  Yesterday I made weight and won both my matches in the wrestle off.  Now today, 2nd period creative writing, my team crushed every other team in the cup stacking competition.  Our team chemistry was just too clutch.  This group has been sitting together like all year and it showed we were capable of dominating the rest of the class.  I've been sitting next to the real T Graz all year and I've been around Frankowski and Breeze for a good bit.  Hurey surprised me.  I thought she'd be pretty useless to the class.  She still owes Denk 50 push ups.  Brent Killen was a clutch performer.  Actually all of us were clutch.  We didn't have a perfect performance getting a penalty in the end, but we still crushed the competition.  I'd take this crew to war with me.  We'd take down any army with our perfect strategical maneuvers.  We were a well oiled machine.  It shows how important knowing your players is to success.  If we were all strangers we would never know each other's strengths and weaknesses.  We were fortunate to not have anyone added to our group as well.  That kept the outsiders from messin with our mojo.  I think thats why Laura's group failed.  The addition of Spencer and Jackie messed with the team chemistry as they are not staples in the group.  I thought the true competition would be Nick, Aaron, Bonjo, Dalton, Wes, and Chelsey.  I was wrong though as they were the worst group.  I think its due to the fact theres always a bit of a heated tension between the football players always cracking jokes at each other.  At game time theyre a family.  But off the field, some are strangers to others.  Thats what's great about this team.  We dont grow tired of each other but we're all still boys and knows who eachother are.  A solid group.  I like this table.  I dont think I'd replace anyone here.

Decision Time

Well, Ole Miss finally accepted me.  I got a call last night for a personal congratulations from the admissions office.  I was pretty pumped about that.  Now I have been accepted into all three colleges I applied for.  Alabama, Ole Miss, or Akron?  I truly have no clue.  Money is going to be a factor obviously, but truly it isn't my biggest concern.  Its truly between Alabama and Ole Miss.  I don't know yet but i think im going to find myself in Oxford come next fall.  All on my own going to Oxford Mississippi attemting to get an engineering degree.  Start makin some big bucks starting an engineering firm with my boys.  Mechanicals, civils, biochemical, and aerospace.  We'll be making millions.  It'll be awesome livin the good life.  A home in Munich, Germany is the dream. I want to live there some day.  I'd love it there.

Playing the Waiting Game

Todays an incredibly stressful day.  It's the day of my court date, first day of wrestling, and school is becomming a struggle.  The only thing on my mind is getting this acceptance letter from Ole Miss.  It's been 2 and a half weeks where they already told me it would take around a week and a half 2 weeks at most.  It's truly driving me nuts.  With all this going on I'm seeing a rough week ahead of me.  I'm looking forward to wreslting though.  I haven't been in the room in a while and I'm all clean of my classic skin diseases to be healthy to go.  I've also grown my hair out for 10 months strictly to anger my head coach who give's me crap for my hair every single year.  I've missed the sport, and I'm actually excited for my weight this year.  I'm not sure if I can go down as low as I intend,  but we'll see I guess.  Suprisingly court is my least concern.  I know what I did was wrong, and I'm ready to accept the consequences.  2:00 P.M today and it's finally all over.  I'm pumped about that.  The one thing that would make this day worth while is getting that acceptance letter.  But maybe an easy practice would be nice too and I could finish all my late work.

A Split Decision

college is coming up and in all honesty i am at a loss.  I have no clear decision on what to do.  Actually, i dont even know what colleges are going to let me in.  I've been accepted into the University of Akron, but in all honesty, my heart is not in Ohio.  I'm currently just waiting for my two big names to get back to me.  University of Alabama and Ole Miss.  Two of these school have been in my head for a few years.  I've been a big fan for a long time and am kinda torn.  In Alabama my best friend goes there and that would help me adjusting to a new environment.  Mississippi puts me in a world of my own and I have to learn to survive on my own.  I believe that is truly beneficial in the long run.  The quality of the school is practically even so there really is no benefit on education from choosing one or the other.  That is why its the most difficult.  In all honesty, since my heart is equal on them, money is probably the deciding factor.  I dont want to leave college in a great amount of debt i'll be paying off for years upon years.  Generally, the college that offers me the best amount of money will probably get the win.  I am also going to have to factor on how much i like the campus.  I've been planning to take a southern border tour in the spring and visit Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, and NC State.  After a lot of thiking, though, I narrowed it between two on my own.  This is ultimately the largest and most difficult decision in my life.  I guess I can't get too ahead of myself though, Im not even accepted to either yet.

There's Enough Time in a Day

There is a long arguement that high school students are given too much of a work load.  Unless there are people that have a job, i couldnt disagree more.  As a student in a majority of honors and ap classes and that participates in sports all year round, I truly believe that there is enough time in a day to get work done.  I am one of the largest procrastinators in the world.  I know that if i didnt go on, twitter, facebook, tv, or any other website, I'd be done with my homework and be able to get a reasonable amount of sleep every night.  There is talk about the football team staying til around 11, but that whole day could be used as a studyhall.  The little swimmers who have practice have 3-4 hours before practice to get their work done.  Time is not in scarce, but motivation is lacking.  No one wants to do their homework until they absolutely have to.  If everyone was able to get work done on a regular schedule.  There are certain exceptions.  A job is definitely one.  Those who work a long shift after a school day probably do not have enough time in a day to get work done and acquire a lot of sleep.  But if you really think about it, how many people in our school have a job?  Definitely not the majoity.  People dont work every day.  So for the most part, I believe there is enough time in the day

Another Post

As it seems that everyone is really taken up by the subject of money, i figure i may as well just talk about my surroundings in word vomit form.  Hurey is writing a ton on a simple subject. I feel like she has a very strong opinion on money and wants to vent about it.  she isnt talking much which is very out of the ordinary.  mustve had a rough weekend or something.  laura just quit typing.  which is not what mr denk told us to do.  she is a bad influence and a terrible student.  the breeze man wes and dalton are all in the back row typin away.  garrett is bumpin heavy beats and it makes me want to listen to music.  probably that white boy rapper stuff like chirs webby or mac miller.  those 2 are awesome at the hip hop game.  Frankowski and killen are looking at college football recruits seeing who will go to the big name schools this year.  liz i typing away as chelsey is reading.  The gardocki twins are both reading some article. im interestest as to what it may be about.  ash has a powerade and a chewy bar.  im now officially hungry.  dang it ashley. i have to make it like 5 more periods.  Dylan is on his GSLATE playing some bakery game probably. i worry about him sometime.  I think he's a tad confused about a lot of things, but he'll figure it out.  The only people left to talk about are molly, jackie, abel, and the other girl. I really dont know waht ot say about them because i cant see them.  Im sure theyre working hard though.  tehy look like good student to me.  Oh i forgot. vaughn and maggie.  Theyre just typing away.  I feel like vaughn is a talented writer based on the poetry he shared a while ago.  i dont think im following him though.  ill fix that after im done typing.  Maggie, i dont know much about her but she added me on facebook like 2 days ago and i accepted.  Im kinda hoping im not creeped on.  Last but not least. The real TGRAZ.  This kid is startin his 2nd post.  I truly dedicated writer.  It is titled, "Things That Annoy Me" this should be a real insightful piece of work as ty always produces the best.  Im not to sure why he comes ot school though, he is already in college practically.  Id be asleep right now or watching sportcenter with some ice cream or something.  Well thats my overview of the whole entire creative writing class. i still have 14 minutes to kill so im sure ill find somehting to do.  probably ask denk tank to write me a letter or reccommendation or something.  He'd be a good one to get i bet.  hes a english teacher.  well im done.  my fingers hurt and theres absolutely nothing to talk about. shout out ot my homies and follow me @LeviSeifert
this is white boy awesome. signing off

The Root of All Evil

When I think of evil, three specific things come to mind.  Money, women, drugs.  The ironic thing is, money is related to both of the the other two roots.  Women either charge money for pleasure, or charge your credit cards every day for pointless shopping, leaving you in substancial debt.  Drugs drive people to rock bottom but cost money to either make or buy.  Money drives people power hungry.  You can never ever have enough and people will do anything in order to get as much as possible.  I believe the negatives outweigh the positives.  Money truly is the root of all evil.  Nothing is priceless. In the end, only few will live without debt.  There is always something to be payed for.  In the end, money does not buy happiness.  It is the true root of all evil

Brent Killen: The Adventure Of Super Brent

Brent Killen: The Adventure Of Super Brent: Super Brent was found in a Russia when he was a little baby. He was brought in by a Russian Scientist Vladamir Rocknazi. He soon found out B...

This short story leaves me on the edge of my seat. The author is a true genius and I cannot wait until the next blog. I want to see how Super Brent develops as a protagonist and I want the majority of my questions to be answered. The story kept me thinking the whole time. Is this a true story? How did Super Brent get his powers? Why did Vladimir adopt him? What made people attack the two of them? I truly hope all of these questions are answered by the end of this series. This is a MUST READ. I cannot wait for the next one to come out!

A Southern Future?

I thought I had my whole entire life planned out.  Go to college in a nice southern school, eventually study abroad, gain an engineeirng degree and start a successful career.  Recently I have done a ton of thinking and am officially not sure what I am going to do.  Since Senior year has started I have gotten much closer with my peers than I have before.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle being unable to see them for months and months aside from holiday breaks.  If that wasn't bad enough, my career thoughts have taken a wild shift.  This creative writing class opened my eyes and showed me that I am pretty good at something other than math and science.  This is the first english related activity I have succeeded in.  I love being able to imagine stories to entertain and scare other people.  I am not a messed up kid with a cynical mind, I just think it is very very entertaining.

I am happy but also upset that I took this class.  It slightly messes with my future plans I thought I had set in stone.  This class has opened my mind to a whole different environment and sadly enough, I really enjoy it.  My future went from decided to a blank slate.  My original plan is now just a saved draft not ready for publishing.  It will always be in consideration but I won't have a decision until the last minute.  There are too many things holding me back I need to be ready to break free from.  I want to become my own independent person like I have thought of doing for the longest times.  I guess I've been ignoring the negative feelings and dependencieson people throughout the years.  As college creeps up, I am left clueless on what to do.  What should I do?  Should I follow my dream or stay closer to my loved ones?  Will I be able to handle it? Or will I crash and burn?

This Blog isn't Sarcastic or anything

I have been dubbed sarcastic quite a few times in my life.  I really don't get it though.  It's not like I speak with an exaggerated tone and "compliment" everything someone does wrong.  I don't do that at all.  I hate making jokes at people and getting that dirty look of slight amusement with a pinch of anger.  It is not enjoyable by any means to have my own personality with a certain attribute and tone to myself.  It's so terrible.  Sarcasm is for sure one of my least preferred qualities.  It isn't fun by any means at all.  I would love to be straight up with people all the time with absolutely no humor when I speak.  Being funny is not cool at all.

Swagger Jagger

Just chillen in creative writing, Mr. Denk the Tank is rambling about pictures on blogs.  I'm not too worried, pictures are unnecessary for me.  My posts are too tight for a picture to distract people from my magical words.  I'm sitting next to The Real Tgraz at the moment and our #swag is on high.  I love creative writing, it's awesome.  I also like animals. Critters actually. Like squirrels and stuff.  I also bougtht a pet micro-mini pig on monday.  I own 1/3 of him.  His name is Otis Napoleon Schnittle.  He's a boss.  That's all for the post yo.  Shout out to Ross Engleman a true boss freshly 18 with so much swag in the bag. Peace y'all

Senior Day

It's hard to believe that this is my final home cross country meet of my high school career. This is a day that I have been looking forward to, yet dreading at the same time.  The sport of cross country is coming to an end, and with the end of this season comes the end of my career. 

I have many memories with this team since the beginning of my freshman season.  The team has molded me into I am today, which I am not positive yet if that is a good or bad thing.  My closest of friends have come from this team, and since they have graduated, I have learned to take over their role on the team. 

As cross country comes to a close, I actually start to dread the end of this season.  I feel as though I didn't get to enjoy it as much as others with an injury.  The loss of many of my closest friends also put a large damper on my season.  I was unsure what to think of this crew, I like a few of them, but for the most part, I could live without these kids.  All of my seniors this year helped make this a good year for me, we have became very close since the beginning of the season. 

This sport has taken over the beginning of my school year every day for the past 4 years.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  These days have been some of the best and some of the worst.  Pain, illness, and vomit alway occured throughout the season, but the fun, excitement, and new friendships each year outweighed all the negatives.  I loved this sport and I loved each and every one of my teams.  These are kids I will never go out of touch with.  I actually have the ambition of going to college with a few at the University of Akron.

It's hard to believe my season is coming to a close.  I can remember every other season I've had.  Always cheering for the number 1 kids making their way to states and hoping we can produce a team to overcome all of the AAAA schools and go to Hershey on our own.  I am still uneasy about this season coming to a close.  It's nice to know a new chapter of my life is starting, but the cross country life was full of excitement. 

Wrestling starts soon.  This is something I look forward to but know that I will dread the sport the first time I have to cut weight.  My fourth year of killing myself to be light and skinny.  I sound like a teenage girl with self-esteem problems.  This sport is definitely not what I thought it would be when I started at age 6.  Everything was all fun and games back then.  Wrestling senior day is definitely something I'll be looking forward to.  The end of this season will be a great accomplishment for me.  Tanner and I will be the only four-year lettermen on the team and the two captains this year. 

I consider sports my school year chapters.  Most kids base their school year off of four semesters.  I base it off of three sports seasons.  Cross country, wrestling, and track are all I do during the school year.  They take up my whole entire life, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Life Without Love

He enters the house with a nervous grin
The filled house has no clue what will happen next
His legs are shaking
Runs his hand along his leg
Feels the barrel of the gun
Waiting to make a move
She'll regret breaking his heart
Their eyes lock
A shot is heard
The party is over
She sees him bleeding on the ground
In his hand, a note
It reads, " If I can't have you, life's not worth living."

"How could he do this to me?" she screamed wihle dropping to his knees,
"How could it get this bad?"
She clutches the note in his hand and reads it a second time
A tear runs down her face
She whispers, "I can't believe this."
Paramedics arrive
One asks, "Who caused this?"
She looks up and replies, "Me. I killed him."
Without touching the man herself, she managed to end his life.

The next day is a dark gray
Confusion in the air
Deep thoughts cause her to cry
She sees no hope
Struck with depression, she searches for help
Realizing what she has done
She sees no point
Today is a dark gray day
A day she can barely make it through

Is life worth living?
What would he want?
I don't know what to do
Would he want me to live or end my own life?
I'm so torn.
He'd want me to live.
How can I do this?
Living is unbearable
I have to be strong
It's so hard
I have to do it for him

The Tides

Life is a tide pattern
High and joyous
Low and depressing
Water levels reflecting true emotion
But with every low tide, comes a high